The Nightmare is Past but the Dream is Not Over Yet.

Its been a while. 7 months is nothing short. I don't even care if anyone is still reading this blog. I don't even know why I bother writing in it anyways. It's not like I desperately crave for attention as with a lot of people out there. They have twitter accounts for that. Creating their cyber personas...an escape from reality.

A lot of things have happened in these short months. Some good, confusing and some are just downright heartbreaking. Will not tell much here, I gotta make it somewhat difficult for my stalkers right. Haha.

But what I can tell is this: I have changed.

Worst still  it might not even be for the better. Alas! Life managed to taint my puny little soul with its dirty hands. Made me a lot more bitter than I thought I could be. But then, I'm only in my 20s. I still have a long road of delicious agony ahead of me.

Failures for one thing, really forms you a lot more than any of those nasty warm fuzzy feelings success ever do for you. A part of myself was swallowed by it. Lost in its dark embrace. Struggling to break free, only to face new obstacles which I have not prepared.

I guess I'm not wandering around in the dark anymore but a piece of myself was indeed lost along the way. It may even be gone forever...but it's ok. I am as incomplete as everyone else. Ordinary.

Whenever I feel like a failure, I just have to stop and think from where I started of 

Fooling myself with this illusion of happiness. That someday I will actually find it and for once in my life I can be just that. Happy. Blissful  Telling myself that if I worked hard enough, or do good to others that the same would happen to me one day. Of course that would be just plain naive, not to mention greedy. But that doesn't mean that I should stop. Just because someone hurt you in the past should you condemn another to your wrath.


 Instead, it's best that we try to avoid putting others down to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. Inferior or superiority complexed, push aside those feelings of pseudo-importance and try to make someone's day a little brighter.

Things look less bleak now. The presence of loved ones help but that's all they can ever do. Assisting. Only you could make a difference. Solve your own problems.

Doesn't help that some are opposed with what I have grown accustomed to and trust. I know it is of best interest but I can't help myself but feel a little aggittated. What do you expect me to do. Plant a seed and expect friends to grow from it? Wishing it could happen sometimes. Pathetic, I know.

The future looks uncertain as always. Just waiting for a catastrophe to happen. Even if things don't work out as planned, I can only hope that we part on good terms, as good friends still.

I guess everyone have those foolhardy dreams back then. Even I had them. Never thought why it was ...in a word 'discouraged' by my parents but at least now that I am older and a whole lot wiser, I think I know why.

Once upon a time, little 12 year old me had a dream of becoming a writer or an artist. I still remember all those time writing down the plots in my short stories, the little adventures I would come up with ...all in the safety of my head.

But then, I never finish most of my stories. I guess I'm not talented enough or maybe I was just lacking precious life experience. Kept seeing plot holes everywhere or weakness in my characters which I felt really unacceptable.

So the solution to the problems usually results them being thrown mercilessly into the bin or lost somewhere in the chaos of my room.

Heck, that's probably why I was so blur during my primary school years. Always day dreaming about what to write about, creating conversations with myself, environment....the works.

Unhealthy. But it's not like I'm hurting anyone. Sure I'm in a permanent dreamy state but it's not like I can't be reasoned with....

A young girl should be more interested in boys and drama...

 Caring more about pointless things and friends

Other girls talk about love, so why don't you?

Aiming to pass since year 1 XD

Finals is just around the corner and I'm still having doubts whether I have chosen the right path for me or this is just a 'play safe' approach to something that would be my future. I guess I just have to work hard for this module and see what life has install for me...

I just can't believe it.....it felt like the year just flew by me in a flash. I remember complaining to my mom on the phone about how I hated this place...about the annoying bugs that burns and bites as well as irritate me. Can't believe I've been here for almost 3 years.

 I think I've made peace with the bugs but the people.....*sigh*....there are unspoken drama floating about and is yet to be unfold.....

It's kind of funny how people had to resort to facebook to express how they feel about me. There was one occasion where an old friend told me her first impression of me.

 Why tell me now? What difference does it make if I know about it?

But if you think of it....if we have the tendency to make assessments on others....what would our own be?

Da fats need to go!!

HOOOOYEEEEAAAAH!!!! I'm finally done with CA3!!! 

Eh?what is this thing hanging there? uuuurgh! fats BEGONE!

How dare you sneak up on me during my exams!! 

Never mind, its exercise time *groan*

No wonder I sweat buckets

My favourite pie chart

So much dedication....it's scary.

Maybe I should do this.....opens fridge anyway.

I hope I won't be needing this ever...

PIZZA! Y U TASTE SO GOOD?!

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My favourite

50 random questions

1. What is your best friend's Mom's name?
  We share one? Ehehe geddit? :P

2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole?
   I have a lot of moles actually, especially now cause I play around in the sun more. SKIN CANCER!!! ahaha! but if I had to choose then it's probably the one on my forehead because right now, there's a similar shaped angry red pimple next to it. Looks like something I'd draw on LOL

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?
I think my science teacher during form 1 was considered pretty, reminds me of the Korean actresses.

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater?
naaah, but I've cried in a movie theater once with my friends. Imagine the whole row, but with crying girls. So the drama XD

5. What body part do you wash first?
hair first, then face, then body. I don't want any of my dead skin cells on my newly washed skin!

6. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms?
What if it's a squatting toilet? No part of you is touching any part of THAT. But if given a choice, I won't go in the public toilet.

7. What's the strangest talent you have?
Being amazingly untalented that what. Being random can also be that though...

8. Do you have an innie or an outtie?
Innie...

9. What's your favorite flavored Pringles?
Sour Cream Onion. Your breath stinks and feeling bloated is an understatement, but it's totally worth it!

10. Have you ever been tied up?
Surprisingly yes....

11. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for?
Never been grounded before. I'm a goody-goody :)

12. Do you parallel park or drive around the block?
It depends on the situation...

13. Have you ever had two dates in one night?
NEVER!!!! unless you're talking about the fruit...

14. How many times have you been cussed out?
Not sure...I'd rather not think about it too much and make me sad.

15. Which shoe do you put on first?
Right.

16. Your deepest fantasies?
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHE!

17. Have you ever been to a gay bar?
I'm either really fascinated or disgusted to even go to one, but maybe I'll go one day to see what the fuss is all about

18. Girls?
I am a girl and I still can't understand them sometimes..

19. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common?
Do crushes count? LOL! Last time during high school, me and my friend would list out some things about a person we like. Innocent fun for us :P As I recall, I think she listed having nice hands and veiny arms ahaha. I think mine was having sharp teeth/fangs and fluffy hair! Soo normal~

20. Did you French kiss before you were 16?
Errr no way. I know some people done it much earlier but exchanging of saliva is just bleargh!

21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting?
Cow tipping is undoable, even if there is such a thing going on here. I can't even lift heavy stuff, so how d'you expect me to push a COW?! Snipe hunting is just plain annoying and time-wasting so its a no go for me.

22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep?
Myself, family (doa before sleeping....sounds so alim but it's kind of a habit that I got since young. They are your family you know), some good friends...

23. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you?
Not that I know of. Do people now still write poems? I used to but it's all forgotten now...

24. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash?
Both are equally disgusting. Imagine having your dead skin rub against you again and again *shivers* I can feel it clogging up my skin! But if I had to choose, I'd rather take not washing my bed sheets again than the bath towel. At least I can lay something on my bed sheet when I sleep on it.

25. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable?
My cat.....probably hiding from me muahahahah!!!

26. What was your childhood nickname?
 Where do I begin?? tomato head, schmoffie, MG,sopi, USOP!!, yo-so, and the weirdest one...fifi fufu fafa :P

27. When is the last time you played the air guitar?
Just now in my room. Exams finished a few hours a go nuff said ;)

28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room?
Never thought about it but I think I've accidentally went inside the 'little boys room' due to bladder emergencies. No wonder it smelled super funky hahaha

29. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?
Talk with my cat?

30. Have you ever bitten your toenails?
Oh to have that much dexterity at this age! Why waste on toenails ladden with God-knows what

31. How do you eat your cookie?
Me like to dip the cookies in cold/hot drinks and eat it! Repeat until the feeling of guilt and fatness sets in..

32. When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt?
I have too many issues to work out at the gym. I feel like they stare a lot. Can't really blame them, no view and monotonous work out does that

33. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others.
Er....too many to list down :P

34. Name one thing you like to see other people do.
Do a random act of kindness? It's so rare to see one nowadays, and I'm not talking 'bout helping out in welfare homes or other charities. Something simple like lending an ear or even a smile can make a difference to someone...

35. Favourite part of your body.
My eyes I guess. A lot of people say that I have nice eyes. Wished they would give me clearer vision though....but I'm not complaining.

36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?
I can't take alcohol. Even the alcohol in mouthwashes are to darn painful! How can people gargle it for 15 seconds? Amazing!

37. Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt?
Why is this even a question????

38. How often do you clean out your ears?
When it starts to itch and tingle?

39. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper?
Imma folder yo

40. About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie?
Whenever there's one? Its really annoying to leave it

41. Do you have any strange phobias?
Nope, I'm pretty normal in this part

42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
Beads, popcorn,pens, pencils...ahahha anything that fits!

43. What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar?
Looking as awkward and noob as possible.....like always

44. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted?
I'm too lazy to do any dares. Truths are much more interesting, you'll never know what the answer may be ;)

45. Have you ever called your love interest by an ex's name?
I don't even have an ex to begin with....so how?

46. Have you caught a guy/girl farting while on a date?
I think....maybe....possibly LOL

47. Have you ever played naked Twister?
Never even played normal twister. The only twister I know is the kfc twister sandwich thing.

48. Have you ever been drunk at work?
Again, no. Heck, I don't even have a job right now. Except if being a student is a job.

49. Have you ever found your date's/lover's brother or sister more attractive?
Note: must find boyfriend...

50. Do you want to bring sexy back?
Sexy never left, as long as I'm here ahahahah!

It was never my favourite feeling but it makes you think about some things. I'm not sad right now, just slightly dissatisfied coz I can't help myself.
Thinking about the ideals of life, like:

1) I should work harder
2) Be smarter
3) Have better friends
4) Actually tell someone how you really feel about them
5) exercise more XD
6) socialize with actual humans...the ones that matter anyway
7) take charge for once
8) not let people take advantage of you
9) be honest with yourself

Being disatisfied is inevatable, but I I'll live...
It's the kind of feeling that makes you strive for the better, think about what you've done and assess it. Most people forget to do this, thus no improvement comes with these characters.

Lately I've been listening to a lot of old ballads (coz music nowadays seemed to lack emotion anyways). I've thought about it, but never more. But the recurring emotion through many of the greatest (imo) songs have some sadness woven into it. It's like the sadness brings us together more than a happy pop song could.

 Even in friends, everybody have that special friend(s) that you could open up without fear of apprehension. The one that would hear you out in the middle of the night eventhough they have work or class in the morning.
Someone that would wipe your tears give you a hug and shake (or slap) you to your senses when the time comes.

Guess I have to start looking for one now....or not.

 Sometimes I wonder whether or not I have real sincere friends. I know I should just forget about these kind of people, stop caring about them and stop giving a damn when they need you out of the blue. Maybe it's my fault that I am being such a softie and an over eager yes-man, but I don't know until when I'd have to take it.

Everybody has their limits, I'm afraid I've reached the limit with you. Everything you do irritates me more than you can see, too bad you're too self-centered to see it *sigh*

It's like the mark of true comraderie or companionship whatever. Good times grants you many friends but the bad times help you weed the ones worth saving from the lesser ones.

Instead of wallowing and feeling sorry for yourself, accept the sad situation. God creates everything in balance. One does not know the value of something when it is lost, but they won't necessarily miss it if they don't know what they really had.

Such an emotional post for me. It's just that suddenly I felt so alone in this place. Most of my friends seemed so far away, probably occupied with their lives, bf/gf, new friends to give a damn bout me. It's more or less the same thing here. Too occupied with their love lives and studies.

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 But it's ok, I'd have to manage myself.

Everywhere I see people in groups, friends or the random couple romancing in the background. It must be nice having someone to share your stories with, do stupid silly things together....someone you can count on.

I've learnt the hard way in life, that you can never wholly depend on a person. No matter how close you are with that person, life has a funny way of turning things around.

 But then again, if it is foolish to trust another, then what about trusting oneself?

Granted I'm just a person full of flaws and far from perfect but I'd trust me more. Not because it's selfish but just cause if I did any blunder, the burden falls on my shoulders alone.

Experience vs Logic?

Which would you value more? Experience is always said to be gained only through experiencing a particular situation, hence the word 'experience'.

Logic is a state of mind produced through reason and acquired knowledge with or without attaining any experience before hand.

A conversation with a certain friend got me thinking about the importance (or not) of the mentioned values.

As a person lacking in basic common sense at times (hrm....this explains my hatred towards physics) I sometimes tend to follow what life experience have taught me.

You tend to make many mistakes throughout the journey but then, no one's perfect.? Even if we did stumble across any obstacles, its the fear of humiliation of admitting you've done something wrong that is most difficult to overcome.

 The best thing that you could do in this situation is to ignore them and just focus on what you could do for yourself to make it better.

Nothing teaches us more than failure...

With failure, you would truly appreciate those around you...their support unwavering,

Finding the confidence and resolve to better improve yourself whilst ignoring judging eyes


Sure logic makes us reason all the pros and cons of any situation by analysing and predicting the outcome theoretically. But that's where it stops. Its all in THEORY.

Logic tells us that we should avoid things that can hurt us.

Logic makes sure that we meet all the basic needs required to be alive

but if its up to logic to decide how life should go then...

Why bother making friends? Most people are just looking for other people to use in one way or another. Experience showed me this again and again. But then again....why do I keep making the same old mistakes? Where is the logic in here???

Is it my persistence to believe that there is still good people out there somewhere in the world. That just because you have some dignity and moral values you would expect other people having the same as yours. Sadly its not the case in 99.9%,

The LOGICAL way of thinking in this case may not win me any awards for best friendship ,but it remains true to what is called surviving..

Call it friends with benefits or call it a win-win situation, but using people for our benefit as well as theirs seems to be the only kind of friendship that exists now. The length of this so-called friendship lasts as long as the other is deemed useful to the other person. Once one is considered  a liability, unable to provide any services to them, you will then be cut off, drifting away like a ballon into the unknown. Whether you 'pop' along the way is none of their concern.


.....but then again, experience taught us that nothing is permanent in this life. No matter how good (or bad) things are at the moment, its not going to be forever. Teaching us the value of the present before it becomes a mere memory.

So logic may avoid us from getting into any trouble or misunderstandings but experience is what sets us apart from the rest. Having many 'awesome' stories is always a good thing. It can be used as a:

1) icebreaker

2) killer of awkward situations

3) pickup lines (LOL)

4) swapping stories with friends

5) sharing a moment with a stranger you've just met

6) makes you a less judgmental about things

7) gaining precious life experience



That aside, I don't think it is that wrong to make a few mistakes in your choices that you makes, sometimes the mistakes will guide you to the right path. Maybe when you get to where you want, you won't be the same person as you were in the beginning. You will probably lose some friends, loved ones and even a part of you in the process.

My childhood friends have even mentioned that i have somewhat change through the years.
I can't blame them. But so do they.
Its nothing wrong, its just growing up.

Stress Relieving with meeeeee~

Thunder Cat wants you to STUDY!!!

• Take lots of self photos......LOTS of it
• Comment on those photos and sulk how bad you look in pictures taken by your webcam
• Record a video of yourself babbling
• Upload the video on youtube
• Start having intellectual conversations with yourself
• Have an argument with yourself, disapproving the stand you took in the previous conversation
• Lip-synch to a song....in front of your roommate
• Find (or steal) a copy of National Geographic or underwear catalogue and draw on some clothes on the   people featured inside

• TROLLING ON THE INTERNET!!!
• Have a karaoke session in the room singing your favourite corny + ‘mengundang’ songs
• Swim on the floor (me: wheeeeeeeeeee~)
• Speak in a foreign accent....and pretend that you are a citizen of whatever country that you want
• Call up one of your friends with your newly acquired accent and try to have a sane conversation as possible
• When you wake up in the morning, from your window, announce to the entire neighbourhood “HELLO THERE SUNSHINE!! NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN”
• Colour-clash as bad as humanly possible and enjoy the weird stares and giggles
• Tickle fights!! (do at own risk.....high chance of getting smacked in the face)
• Strike up a conversation with a random stranger...you’ll be surprised to what others have to say
• Have a poker-face competition with a friend. Loser must call the winner MASTER!!!!
• Also, do an air-guitar competition
• Roll on the bed screaming (omg...sounds like you are being possessed)
• If you are gifted in art skills, try drawing some cute pictures on your otherwise boring ol’ notes to make them look more interesting
• Load up on chocolates, caffeine and sugary treats
• Annoy everyone you encounter with your sugar rush

Hellraiser penguin!!!!!

.....and that's all for now :D

just in case you all miss my face