Its been a while. 7 months is nothing short. I don't even care if anyone is still reading this blog. I don't even know why I bother writing in it anyways. It's not like I desperately crave for attention as with a lot of people out there. They have twitter accounts for that. Creating their cyber personas...an escape from reality.
A lot of things have happened in these short months. Some good, confusing and some are just downright heartbreaking. Will not tell much here, I gotta make it somewhat difficult for my stalkers right. Haha.
But what I can tell is this: I have changed.
Worst still it might not even be for the better. Alas! Life managed to taint my puny little soul with its dirty hands. Made me a lot more bitter than I thought I could be. But then, I'm only in my 20s. I still have a long road of delicious agony ahead of me.
Failures for one thing, really forms you a lot more than any of those nasty warm fuzzy feelings success ever do for you. A part of myself was swallowed by it. Lost in its dark embrace. Struggling to break free, only to face new obstacles which I have not prepared.
I guess I'm not wandering around in the dark anymore but a piece of myself was indeed lost along the way. It may even be gone forever...but it's ok. I am as incomplete as everyone else. Ordinary.
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| Whenever I feel like a failure, I just have to stop and think from where I started of |
Fooling myself with this illusion of happiness. That someday I will actually find it and for once in my life I can be just that. Happy. Blissful Telling myself that if I worked hard enough, or do good to others that the same would happen to me one day. Of course that would be just plain naive, not to mention greedy. But that doesn't mean that I should stop. Just because someone hurt you in the past should you condemn another to your wrath.
Instead, it's best that we try to avoid putting others down to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. Inferior or superiority complexed, push aside those feelings of pseudo-importance and try to make someone's day a little brighter.
Things look less bleak now. The presence of loved ones help but that's all they can ever do. Assisting. Only you could make a difference. Solve your own problems.
Doesn't help that some are opposed with what I have grown accustomed to and trust. I know it is of best interest but I can't help myself but feel a little aggittated. What do you expect me to do. Plant a seed and expect friends to grow from it? Wishing it could happen sometimes. Pathetic, I know.
The future looks uncertain as always. Just waiting for a catastrophe to happen. Even if things don't work out as planned, I can only hope that we part on good terms, as good friends still.
